February

This is the worst month of the year.
The weather is bad. Cold, cloudy, snow and ice...and after a long winter with no sun shine, it is the month where I have no energy what so ever left. I've emptied my supply...I need to refill...but how??

Give me spring...or a month in the Caribbean...or anything that will take me out of this tiredness and headache!

The moon

The sky is pitch dark...no stars and no moon...
Sometimes when it's cloudy I miss the moon more than the sun.
Even though I love the sun the moon is something special...lights up the darkness and brings you comfort, just as the tulips.

I'm walking down memory lane tonight. I found all sorts of letters and cards and notes and journals while clearing my clutter. Some of it I just read and put straight in the bin but some letters I cannot throw away...like the ones that make your heart smile...and like the one with the ending:

"...yet again I would like to emphasize that you are worth the moons weight in gold, when I look at it, it is made of gold."

Things and stuff...

Long time no see.

I can't really blame my blog absence on being too busy with school work, since that would be a big fat lie...this course really sucks when it comes to learning something. But I won't complain because there is other things to do when study doesn't take all of your time. Like clean, cook, bake, eat, sleep, wash, iron, stare in to a wall, talk to your plants, hang out with people IRL, watch telly and movies, apply for a summer job, read the newspaper, read novels etc. etc. (You probably get the picture)

I have also invested in tulips this last week. I love tulips! Gives me some sort of comfort. A sign that spring is on its way even though it is + 3 C and I can't remember when I last saw the sun...

Yesterday my book, that I got for free, arrived. It's called: Clear you clutter with Feng Shui by Karen Kingston.
Started to read it and it might actually be some interesting reading after all. I have already started to clear some of my clutter...but more can be done. I'll give you an update on how it goes later on...
...Speaking about books I'm also reading Now Let me sing you gentle songs by Linda Olsson at the moment. That's a beautiful novel that I can recommend.

Now I'm gonna iron and watch some episodes Sex and the City and then maybe bake cinnamon buns...

Have a lovely afternoon my friends!

The Butterfly of Freedom

Inspiration

This picture from the interior magazine Sköna Hem inspired me to my latest buying. A new shelf. It's not exactly as the one on the picture, but has the same colour (more or less), the same pattern on the cabinet doors (my shelf has two doors, and no drawers) and is from the same era.

I'm gonna exchange my IKEA TV-bench for this new shelf...And I can't wait to do it. I've hated that IKEA- bench since the day I put it in. It is nothing wrong with, it's a good and functional TV-bench, but it is just sooo not me! The only thing with this new shelf is that my fat-TV won't fit on it...so I have to buy a new TV as well...Oh well, worse things can of course happen... ;-)

A week at "home"

I slept until 12.20 pm today...and it was absolutely wonderful to get a whole night with good sleep! Had a lot of twisted dreams. Guess I had a lot of thoughts, emotions and impressions to process.

Now I'm at "home" in Halmstad. Drove from Linköping around 4. It was dark, foggy and rainy but I got here in one piece!
I've spent the evening in the sofa watching telly and flipping through some interior magazines. A nice and quiet time with mom.

Tomorrow morning I'm off to work...7-10. Haven't been there since summer, so I am actually looking forward to it. (But I probably won't feel like this tomorrow morning at 5.45 when I wake up...)

The plan for my study-free week is to not have too many plans. Take the day as it comes. Ofcourse I've already got some plans like working a little bit, visiting L and her baby togheter with D on Thursday, have some quality time with M when she is not working and visit granma E and grandma H, just to mention a few...

I'm also gonna put up a strategy for 2009...the year who is about to start for me any day now!

Take a deep breath and...

Bad night

I couldn't fall asleep last night....I tried everything...
At 1.30 I changed place to the sofa...fell asleep for 1 hour between 2 and 3...changed over to the bed again...and after the newspaper arrived around 4 I fell asleep and stayed asleep til 5.30...then the alarm went off at 6.
Wonderful...no, not really!

Good luck to me after a night like this...

Only one more day...

I wish...

Bild: Paul Costello

Spotify

I just found an e-mail from J and it contained an invitation to Spotify!

I don't think I could get any happier at the moment. J is my favourite person in the world right now... He sure made my Friday night!

A reminder...

I have some saved text messages on my phone. I've saved them because they mean too much to me to be deleted. The oldest one is from August 2000. I've saved it because it is the nicest thing someone ever told me (or in this case written to me),and I know that the person who wrote it really meant it...I read it when I have a hard time remember the good things about myself...

"När man känner dig är det svårt att skilja på dröm och verklighet..." ("When knowing you it is hard to seperate dream from reality...")

It's good to have a reminder like that when you are in a period with lacking self-esteem like I am at the moment...

...or to be more exact: It is always good to have a reminder like that!

Still in 2008...

I know it's 2009 now...but my new year has not yet started. I'm still in the lousy year of 2008.
I'll be back when things feel a little bit lighter...maybe in a week or so...

The first minutes of 2009

At midnight we went up to the viewing point at Galgberget to look at the fire works in the city.

That was a nice ending of 2008 and beginning of 2009.

HAPP Y NEW YEAR

I wish you all a happy ending of 2008 and a fantastic 2009.
Song of the day is Auld lang syne.
Happy New Year!
//Tess xx

Song of the night - Frank Sinatra singing:Have yourself a merry little Christmas

What would I like to wear today?

During a break in the studying I ended up at net-a-porter.com looking at the fabulous clothes and accessories you could order if you weren't a student...or a normal working person either for that matter.
Anyway...I invented a new game called: What would I like to wear today?

Here is today's result (feel free to give me any of the items as a Christmas gift!): Clutch bag by Fendi

Bracelet by Juicy Couture

Neclace by Juicy Couture Shoes by Marc Jacobs

Dress by Dolce & Gabbana

At least it doesn't cost anything to dream!

New shoes!

Yesterday I decided that I "needed" a pair of new shoes! They look really good to both jeans and a dress/skirt!

I've just finished writing some Christmas cards...Unfortunately I won't send as many as usual, so some of you might get an e-mail instead this year... I hope I will be back in business next year!
Now I need to go to town and finish the last Christmas gifts... after that I'll be sitting with the books and maybe do some laundry...wohoo, what a lovely Saturday!

The sun?

I can not believe what I see...Sun rays are touching my balcony!! Is this for real or is someone playing with me?

I can't remember when I last saw the sun...I think I need to go outside for a while...I know I should study, but you never know when the sun will be out next time and I need every bit of energy I can get right now.

The concert and some thinking

Peter Jöback Oh, Peter Jöback... It was a great concert!


He sings even better live...his voice is..is...no, I won't even try to explain how wonderful his voice is...there is just no word that can describe it justly.

In between the songs he said some true things, like every performer do on a Christmas concert, about peace, taking care of the ones you love, making time for reflection and living right here and right now...

When I think about it...the happiest times in life, and the times you always will remember ,are the times when you lived in the very moment...not thinking about the next year, the tomorrow or the next minute.


When someone ask me to think of a happy place my mind always ends up at a street in Merida, Mexico. On that street, that Sunday night in April 2005 I lived in the very moment. I didn't think of anything...I just let everything flow...and it was so easy. It was so easy because I knew that I had to live it or lose it, just like that...there was only right here and right now...

I know that you can not always live for the moment...you have to make plans most of the time to survive in this world. But I do wish I could have more nights like the one in Merida... nights you wish would never end... and nights that will always stay a happy moment, no matter what the future brings.

And one more thing... I wish I could go to a Peter Jöback Christmas concert every night...all year around!

Enough for tonight...see you tomorrow...Good night...sleep tight...x

Finished

I've written the words I needed to write now and I finished the diagrams as well. So now I e-mailed the document to A so that she can put her work in . Hopefully we will be finished after that.

Now I need to eat some and then put some real clothes and make up on...I'm still in my pyjamas...

Tonight me and Å is going to the Peter Jöback's Christmas concert in Cloetta center....yeay!!!
I'll tell you more about that later.

Song of the day - Santa Baby

Relaxing tuesday

I've had a really relaxing day today. Just what I needed! Maybe I didn't really have time...but I made some...
Haven't really done anything useful at all...except picking up the exam and the concert-tickets for tomorrow night.
I went over to I's place for tea, saffron buns and quality time. Hadn't seen or talked to her for ages. So that was really nice.
Well...
...it's dinner time now.
I just realized that I have only eaten two sandwiches for breakfast and then two saffron buns so far today...hmm...not good. But the weird thing is that I'm not really hungry...

....anyhow...After dinner I'm gonna place myself by the computer again and write 700 words and make two diagrams for the clinical improvement work. Booooring!

Poker face?

I just love the David and Goliath characters, especially Trendy-Wendy.
I've had, for some reason, this picture and quote on my mind today...
...and you know what, it put a big smile on my face, and made this day a fun day!!

By the way... I passed the clinical exam...

Song of the day - Release me

It's a fact...

Well it's a fact...didn't pass the exam...so it's time to take out the fucking books again.
Goodbye lovely Christmas holiday...but hey, there will come a Christmas holiday next year right?

There is one thing that bugs me and that is that 41 % didn't pass this exam...according to the exam statistics 23 % didn't pass the "same" exam last semester.
To me these figures are quite suspect...and it makes me fucking furious!!
My question is: Are we, in my class, really that much more stupid than the students in course 3 where last year?
Probably not...the problem is not my or the other the failed students knowledge...The problem is the fact that we are the Guinea pigs of a new curricula.

But what can I do about it?
Christmas is already ruined, there is lots of snow outside this morning and I'm working the whole fucking weekend in Motala.

Well, to be honest...I'm thinking about calling in sick...I just can not be bothered today. I need to think...think about doing something else, something that makes sense at least every now and then.
I'm not sure I'm motivated enough to become a nurse...It's not my dream and it damn sure isn't my passion...

Song of the night - Hugger i sten

Wouldn't it be great...

Wouldn't it be great if you had like your own coach, just like, for example, the football teams have.

A coach that calls for time out when you are playing really, really lousy and unmotivated. And during the time out tell you all about the plan he has worked out to make you get back on track.

A coach that will make you change place with someone else because he can see that you're not in the right position at the field and make sure you get the position that really suits you and bring out the best of you.

A coach that will pep talk you in to a career in a higher league.

Maybe Svennis would be interested in the position of my personal coach if I asked him ?!

Time out ?

Tonight I'm considering a time out.

What I want for Christmas - part II

These Designers Guild cushions is on second place of my Christmas list. Fabulous, gorgeous, heavenly, frabjous, amazingly beautiful, extraordinary lovely...the list of adjectives to describe them can go on and on and on...

This years Christmas tree??

I think this is a lovely Christmas tree!!
And you know what?
It would be the perfect Christmas tree for my flat!

Friday night + Song of the day

It's finally friday night!
I need to clean the flat...so it's not a party night, but it still is FRIDAY NIGHT!!!

I bought Peter Jöback's new Christmas Album last week...and I love it. I listen to it in the car while driving to Motala. Song of the day is a song from that album. A duet with Peter and Sarah Dawn Finer and the song is Min bön (The prayer). Beautiful song...and Peter is still so gourgeous you could cry!!

Tomorrow morning 7.55 I'm off to Stockholm.

I wish you all a nice weekend!!

Morning has broken

Took a shower last night so the alarm didn't go off until 4.30 this morning (or should I write night?!)
This is not human....I want to go back to bed!!

Home sweet home...

I just love coming home after two days at the hospital. Turn on the stars in the windows. and light some candles. Unpack the bags and check my email while boiling up some water. Then make a cup of tea and finally place myself in the sofa in front of the telly...OHH, IT'S HEAVEN!!

The placement is going just fine this period. It feels good and I haven't had any complaints. Last weekend I had two patients that I was responsible for on my shift. Today I had four. My tutor is helping me of course when I need it.
Tomorrow is my last working day this week.

On Saturday morning I'm taking the bus to Stockholm to visit sis and E. My plan is to do some Christmas shopping and interview E for a school assignment . I'm really looking forward to a weekend off...or almost off!

Now dinner time and then a walk...I need some fresh air!

Song of the day - Infatuation

Keeping busy...

The past week has been busy, busy, busy...

Tuesday
The day of the exam - and what a crazy exam...it gave me a bad headach that's still torturing me. I spent the afternoon shopping with I. Bought a dress, a t-shirt, leggings and two vests at Gina Tricot, major grocery shopping at Maxi, mini-light strand for the balcony and two cerise christmas tree balls (even though I don't have a Christmas tree) at Rusta and lots of candles at IKEA. I felt so worth all that shoppig!! And It felt so good to have a full fridge again. I went to bed early that night...

I love a full fridge!

Wednesday
The alarm clock rang at 4.15 am. Lovely...absolutely lovely...NOT! But nothing to about that more than to get up, take a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast and get out to the car and drive all the way to Motala...(I thank the guy who invented the car and mom for letting me have hers during my placement time!) They let me finish one hour early at the hospital so I was back in linköping around 3 pm. Did some "christmas decoration" in the flat and on the balcony. After that I cleaned the flat properly...something I hadn't done for weeks!

Thursday

Day off! Finally! Had million things to do...but half of it never got done. At least I finished the Cuba album on the computer and sent it away for printing. (Got an e-mail from fujicolor today saying it is on it's way...yay!!) I made a lot of lunch boxes, put the stars up in my windows...and then of course I looked for a stupid CD to my computer...turned the whole flat upside down...without any luck! Wonderful and clever J came over and fixed my computer that night...it took quite some time...because I hadn't found that stupid CD...and I went to bed at 2.45 am.

Friday
Got up at 10. Made lunch and then packed my bag and drove to Motala. Had the evening shift and spent the night in Motala.

Saturday
Morning shift at the hospital. Got of at 3 pm, drove back to Linköping, had a quick stop at the mall to get Å a birthday present. Home a 5 pm. Talked to my loved ones on the phone and then I hade to get ready for birtydayparty at Å's place. I was sooo tired and got home a 10.30 and went straight to bed...

Å's birthday presents

Sunday
The same a s friday...woke up and got ready for Motala. Evening shift at the hospital and then I spent the night again...

Monday
Day shift. Got back to Linköping at 4 pm. Absolutely knackered, watched The bold and the beautiful and then I went to bed at 8.20. Fell asleep...got woken up by the phone at 10 and the fell asleep again at 11...

Tuesday - today
Woke up at 10 am. Me and A hade decided last week to start with our placement - project that we have to finish before Christmas today but A sent me a text last night that she had other plans for today...and maybe we could meet up an other day? AN OTHER DAY??? It's not like we have a 1000 days to choose between...our hospital schedules are not really synced and she lives in Motala and I live in Linköping...but hey what can I do. I tried to start with the project on my own...it didn't go very good since we havn't decided everything about the subject yet and everything is very unclear.
Ohhh...I've been so sick of this studying situation today...and so sick of group-projects...and sick of group members that you haven't chosen yourself.
So after a breakdown around lunchtime time I decided to take the day off from school. Why should I take responsible for this project. I just cannot do everything by myself...I wish I was more irresponsible...I will work on that from now on...

So...what have keeping me busy all afternoon then?
Well... I've made a chocolate and banana cake and watched 6 episodes of Sex and the city...after this The bold and the beautiful episode I'm watching at the moment I'm cooking dinner and then I'm gonna watch some more Sex and the city...

I'm bored...

...it is soooo boring to study right now...But tomorrow at 12 o'clock I'm a "free" woman...at least until 6.45 am wednesday morning when I start my second placement period at the hospital in Motala...
...give me strength or at least something to laugh about...

I wish...

Song of the day - Tvivel

Lars Winnerbäck and Lisa Ekdal performing Tvivel...

Shop Class

...I wish there was such a thing as a shop class... I would easily get an A without studying 10 hours a day.

I'm sick of never get the feeling that I know enough, never have the feeling that my knowledge is on the right level...

At least I have the wonderful I to spend my studying time with...makes it bearable!
Tonight we made an apple pie and lovely F came over as well to "fika" and watch "Bonder söker fru" (Farmer seeks a wife) on the telly and after that we gossiped an hour away...

Now sleep....zzzzzzzzzz

What I want for Christmas...part 1

The weekend

The weekend started Friday night with take away food and Christmas card making together with Å. A very nice, calm and creative evening!

Over: Å's cards Under: My cards

I had an early start on Saturday...breakfast at 7.40 and drove off to I's place at 8.10 am.

Breakfast in front of the telly

Me and I sat in her sofa studying all day. Drove back home around 5 pm to eat dinner and get dressed for a party that evening.
This is what I wore

I and M picked me up at 7 pm. It was a good evening all in all, even if some parts were better than others. I got home around 2 am.
Today I got up at 10 and then I have spent the day studying together with I. Mom and dad paid a quick visit on their way from Stockholm.

Tonight i'm just taking it slow. Made a few lunch boxes to put in my freezer and then I made a smoothie that I will enjoy in front of the telly...quality time with my self! I like!!
Smoothie of the day: Mango, Orange and vanilla yoghurt

Glomerular filtration

Song of the day - Papercup Words

This is an old favourite of mine by Elin Sigvardsson. Her first album "Saturday light naive" is fantastic!

A rainy day!

Slept til 8 o'clock this morning. That felt good! Now I'm sitting by the kitchen table studying and through my window I can see a completly grey sky and rain, rain, rain...

On today's schedule is (beside studying): cooking, cleaning, making Christmas cards and watching Idol with Å. A productive day so to say...

Yesterday was a productive day as well. I came over around 8 o'clock and then we studied until 4.30 pm. After that I took my bike down to the gym and danced an hour away. Then I made chicken soup for dinner...mmm, yummy! Fell asleep around 10.30...absolutely wonderful since I've had problems falling asleep and staying asleep the past week.

November light in Linköping!

Wrong side

I woke up at the whining and bitching side this morning...sometimes I just can't help myself.

And I was not the only one in my group that woke up a bit extra irritable...but the thing is that I just can't hide it as well as the others...or more correctly, I can't hide it at all! Even though I try really, really, really hard!

But hey...what to do?! Since I don't have time to go to the gym at a regular basis and get all the aggressions out there...it needs to come out somewhere else...and today it's kind of seeping out...a little bit at a time.
I think I need to make time to go to the gym tonight since it might be the only way to avoid a total blow out.

Reading and writing and reading and writing...

I'm reading and writing and reading and writing...but the chapter about fluid and electrolyte imbalance never seem to end! I give up...

Earlier tonight me and I made a schedule for the two upcomin weeks...the two weeks before this semesters big exam. And the schedule is no fun at all...8 am - 6 pm every day that are free from lectures in school, including Saturday and Sunday...Ten whole days and some half...But I feel stressed. I'm still a lot behind with the renal function...I don't know how to catch up on that.

...todays examinating seminar was alright. The examinator was unfortunatly NOT a warm and pleasant person to be around (What's wrong examinators? I understand that they need to be hard when judging us, but do they really need to be unkind? Is that necessery?)but at least she seemd to like my groups presentation the best. Let's hope for the best...I'll know tomorrow.

Now I need sleep...

Song of the day - Another way to die

Mamma Mia!

For the third night in a week I'm not eating dinner at home. Saturday we (me, sis, E and the rest of E's family) had dinner (plus lunch and afternoon tea) at E's brother and wife's place, Monday night Å and M invited me over for lovely risotto and tonight I'm off to I's place to have taco dinner with the girls (I, F and S). I could so get used to this!!!

Tonight we'll also watch the Mamma Mia movie! Lovely!!

Tomorrow morning I'm meeting up with my group to prepare for the seminar on monday morning. I got a text earlier from J in my group explaining she is taking an interruption of studies as from today...and then we where only three...

Thank you America!

Woke up to the good news that America has elected Barack Obama as their new president.
And take a look at him, he is handsome!
(To me that is the most important quality!)

So much to do...